May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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