i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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