it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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