I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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