Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
