i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wear drunk well.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
