what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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