Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
