dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
