There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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