my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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