More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
