so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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