Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
