Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
