Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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