I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
