He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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