but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
