I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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