mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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