The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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