I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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