I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
