i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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