Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
