oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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