There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize