I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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