wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
