Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
