You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
