I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
