whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
