am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
