He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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