If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
