so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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