the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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