someone threw a dead crab at me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize