I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
false alarm, still single
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
