Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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