can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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