My underwear smells like fireworks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
