Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
