I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didn't notice because vodka
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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