I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize