Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
