I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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