My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
