some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
