That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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