just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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