my phone cant type all the emotion im having
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize