My liver just broke up with me...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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