I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
