nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
