He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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