My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize