At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had sex on a roof
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
