i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
