Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
