Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
