It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
