all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
