Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
