I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
