Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
